In Retrospect
by A Terrible Person
Summary: Passing stories from generation to generation is an ancient tradition, and heaven knows Beatrice's uncle is full of them. Some light shipping here and there. R&R, please.
1. Fear and rivalry in VFD

"Uncle Lemony, what was VFD like?" said Beatrice one morning as they packed their things, ready to get on a train and go far away yet again on this cold winter morning.

Lemony paused as he opened the window for them to make their escape.

"It… It could be wonderful, at times." He said, reaching for the branch outside. "Other times, it was dreadful." Here Lemony climbed slowly onto the branch and into the tree, then carefully made his descent to the snow covered ground. "Your turn." He yelled up to his niece. Beatrice threw their bags and suitcases to her uncle, then swiftly climb back down.

"Well then, tell me about one of the more wonderful times." Beatrice said as she slung her bag over her shoulder.

"Well… I suppose it would help pass the time…" Lemony said, picking up his suitcase. "Alright, I know one I believe you'll definitely enjoy, it was about Monty and Josephine when they were just barely out of college…"

* * *

It was a cold summer day, just outside of one of VFD's academies, where three friends and one baby brother sat at one of the old tables.

"A daredevil? You're kidding, right?" A young Monty said, running his fingers through his orange hair.

"That's what Ike is, Monty." Pretty young Josephine answered, brown hair rapped in a messy sort of ponytail.

"You're not brave enough." Monty replied dryly.

"Am too."

"Are not."

"Am too!"

"Are not!"

"AM TOO!"

"ARE NOT!"

* * *

"So Monty and Joe hated eachother?" Beatrice said, staring up at her uncle. Lemony smiled, just a bit.

"No, no. It was more of a… Rivalry would be a good word." Lemony chuckled a tad. "Maybe evening a crush. But they liked to pretend they hated eachother. Anyway…."

* * *

"Both of you cut it out." Said Kit, orange blond hair in a tight bun and a young Lemony at her side.

"You know, I've got an idea. If I can prove that you're not brave enough, I win." Monty said.

"Win what?" Josephine said, eyes narrowing. Monty just laughed.

"My pride."

Josephine smiled. "Deal."

"Okay, wait right here. You are going to scream so hard that your voice box pops out of your mouth!"

"Your voice box isn't really gonna pop out, right?" said a small Lemony.

"'Course not. Monty's got nothing on me." Josephine said, crossing her arms. Just then Monty reappeared, carrying a variety of scaly beasts in cages with him.

"Alright. Let's start." Monty said, pulling a frog from one of the cages and holding up to Josephine's face. Josephine just scoffed.

Monty frowned, stuffed the animal back into it's cage, and pulled out a rather large lizard. Josephine seemed a bit unnerved, but she stood tall against the beast. Monty growled, stuffed the lizard back in, and pulled out a large, covered cage.

"You are going to hate me for this. Completely worth it." Monty undid the latches on the covered cage's door…

And out came a snake, long, black, with red eyes and sharp fangs.

"It won't hurt you. Only eats cats. I think." Monty said as the snake curled around Josephine, who was whimpering and shaking. "Just scream and it'll get scared and run off."

"N-never."

"Come oooooonnnnn."

"No!" Josephine squeaked as a large butterfly began fluttering near the group's table.

"Cooooommmmee onnnnnn." Monty begged as the butterfly flitted dangerously close to his head.

"I'd sooner be eaten alive!"

Monty shrugged. "Hey, your decision."

As soon as his sentence was finished, the butterfly landed right on Monty's nose, magnified by his rather thick glasses. He shrieked, the snake was spooked and flitted right back into it's cage, going far enough to redo all the locks while Monty lost his balance and fell backwards, while the butterfly lazily flew away. Josephine just laughed.

"So, what do I win?" She said, standing over a spooked Monty.

"…. My pride." Monty grumbled.

Josephine grabbed his invisible pride out of the air. "Yes, I daresay this will look nice framed in my house." And with that, Josephine and Kit walked off, laughing, with young Lemony in tow.

* * *

Beatrice covered her mouth to stifle her laughter. "Oh wow… T-that was… Heheheh… And you witness all of this?" she said, smiling.

"You witness a lot of things when you're Kit's little brother." Lemony said, patting his niece on the head. "See? That passed quite a bit of time. We're already at the train station." Beatrice looked up, and, sure enough, there was a crowded train station just a bit away from them.

"Well, we've got at least an hour before our train arrives... So, how about as soon as we get in, another story?" Lemony said, checking a cracked watch. Beatrice nodded eagerly.

* * *

**I need to do more ASOUE stories. Obviously, this is going to be a multichaptered work, so let's try and get through this together, 'kay?**


	2. Let it Snow

The snow was falling fast and sticking to the ground, a guarantee for a fun time when morning arrived. Currently, a young Lemony Snicket was in his pajamas, gazing out from his academy window and looking at the streetlights just across from the academy, the snowflakes falling under them bathed in an orange-yellow light.

All while his younger roommate, Fernald, was hitting him with various pillows. Lemony barely flinched at the barrage.

"See, I don't get you, Lemony. I mean, I'm all for snow and scenery, but jeez, does that ever get boring?" Fernald said, throwing his share of pillows back onto his bed.

"No, not really." Lemony replied in a dreamy state.

"You're weird. I mean, why look at the snow when you can play in it?" Fernald said. Lemony glanced back to tell him that we can't go out until morning, until he noticed Fernald already had his patched-up-a-million-times winter coat on, a pair of boots, and was currently slipping on some torn looking gloves.

"… You're not actually going outside, are you?" Lemony said, eyeing his younger companion.

"I'm in if your in." Fernald said, boredly. Lemony took one last look at the window, then the clock, which currently said 10:31 PM, and sighed out an "Okay."

Fernald' face lit up. "Excellent! Know anyone who'd like to be dragged outside with us? Some upperclassmen, mayhaps? Don't hold out on me, Snicket, I know for a fact you've got connections."

Lemony sighed. "All I've got my brother and sister…"

"The twins? They'll do."

"… And Olaf and Esme, if we're that desperate." Lemony said as he pulled his arms through his thick jacket's sleeves.

"Okay, so. Avoid Olaf and Esme." Fernald said, tapping his foot impatiently. "Jeez, hurry up, we're burning the tenth hour oil here!" he scoffed as he walked through the door.

"Alright, alright, I'm done, let's go." Lemony said as he hastily followed Fernald out, slipping his gloves on in the process.

The corridors were dark and long, filled with doors, sometimes with lights streaming out from under them. Then came Kit and Josephine's door.

"You know, maybe this is a bad idea…" Lemony started, but Fernald was already knocking at the door.

Kit answered, her hair down, glasses askew, and in an old looking nightshirt.

"Hiya, Kit!" Fernald said cheerfully. "Look, I was wondering if you'd like to accompany us---"

"No." Kit said sternly, slamming the door.

Fernald's smile didn't leave his face. "Well, she's tired. We'll try again later. By the way, Lemony, you're lucky! Kit's gorgeous even with a fancy VFD uniform or makeup on her…"

"Shut up, Fernald."

"Hey, it's a compliment."

And here was Jacques' and Monty's door. Lemony failed again to protest, and Monty opened the door, not looking nearly as angry as Kit, though just as sleepy.

"Nightmares?" Monty said, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. He actually looked rather well kept for someone who just woke up, as his hair was oddly tidier than usual.

"Nope. Look, Monty, me and Lemony have an idea, but we've gotta pull it off tonight, and we need a few people to back us up." Fernald said, eyes glancing around the hallways and sometimes to the blob inside Monty's room that was Jacques while sleeping.

Monty raised an eyebrow. "I'm listening."

"So, it's the first big snow of the year, right?"

"Right."

"So, we wanna be the first people to head out there and make snowmen, having snowball fights, all that jazz."

"Uhh... Huh."

"So yeah. Will you and Jacques help us here?" Fernald said, trying to manage the best puppy dog eyes he could.

Monty shrugged. "Gimme five seconds." He then turned around, yanked the covers off Jacques bed, taking Jacques with him. Monty then opened his closet, quickly threw on a coat and threw one at Jacques, who was still struggling to get up. Monty knelt down to his roommate, said "We're going outside, and no you don't have a choice.", then he briskly walked out the door, not missing a single beat, while Jacques scurried behind him, trying to run and put on boots at the same time.

Fernald and Lemony sideways glanced at each other, both exchanging looks of that-was-so-awesome, before it occurred to them that their older friends were walking quite quickly and that they'd better start running.

"Uh, wait." Lemony said as they finally caught up to them.

Fernald sighed heavily. "Lemony, if you say this is a bad idea again, I swear, I'll`---"

"No, I kinda... Wanna ask someone else. They just live in this corridor and I was wondering..." Lemony said.

"Oh. Alright then. Carry on." Fernald said. With that, Lemony was quickly ahead of the group and eagerly knocked on a door.

And out came a young Beatrice, still wide awake, dark curly hair falling over her shoulders and a blanket tightly wrapped around her oversized night gown.

"Oh. Hi Lemony." She said with a tired, quiet voice.

"Hi Beatrice. I know it goes against the school rules and all, but me, Monty, Jacques, and Fernald are sneaking outside to play in the snow and I was wondering if you would, uh, accompany us." Lemony said quickly.

Beatrice smiled. "Just give me a few minutes to put on some pants." With that, she shut the door, the distinct sound of rustling and humming could be heard from her room, and then she reopened the door, hair tied up in a messy sort of bun, a pair of worn jeans, some dark boots, and a lovely dark red button-down coat. "Ready when you are." She said, smiling.

"And we're off again!" Fernald said, starting to walk towards the stairs at the end of the hall. "Just follow me, guys, this is an easy way out. Trust me."

And soon, they were following Fernald downstairs, and then there were the grounds, covered in snow and bathed in orange-yellow streetlights.

The next few minutes were a blur of snow and excitement. Fernald launched a snowball at Monty, Monty thought Jacques did it, so he launched one back, but Jacques ducked and it hit Lemony on the back of the head which caused Beatrice suggest they just make snow angels. And then Beatrice launched a hard snowball to Fernald's stomach, and the fight was on. Snow flew, everyone was laughing, and suddenly everyone froze (No pun intended) when a voice rang out saying "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

It was Kit, a tad less disheveled than earlier, in a quickly-thrown-on-jacket.

"You have any IDEA how many rules you are breaking? I should report you all right---" Kit never finished her sentence, as a snowball hit her in the face, knocking her back, and to this day, no one knows who launched it.

Kit got angry, and threw a snowball back at Jacques.

And suddenly, the snowball fight was on again, with the added high-pitched laughter of Kit's.

* * *

Beatrice smiled. "Mother was nice, was she?"

"Indeed she was." Lemony said, navigating his way through the crowded train station. "Ah, there's our line." He said, spotting a bored look employee handing out tickets to a place know as "Very Fine District", with a line that was about the length of Rhode Island.

"Well. We'll be here longer than expected. How about a nice one about your father?" Lemony said as he took a place in line.

Beatrice nodded as she got in line beside her uncle.

* * *

**Little known fact: Fernald had the mind of your average caffeine addicted mob goon at the age of 10. And dang do I ever love writing him like that.**


	3. Let's Dance

Tonight there was to be a dance inside the VFD academy. People were running about, putting up streamers and setting up snack tables and sometimes asking people out.

Others were currently outside, asking beautiful people, dressing up in their Sunday Clothes, and looking quite fancy.

But Lemony Snicket was not an other. Oh no, he was stuck inside the gym, setting up balloons in the rafters with the Denouements.

On one hand, the Denouements were all good people, even Ernest would show bursts of good deeds at times.

On the other hand, Beatrice probably had a few suitors already waiting for her. What if she already chose? Did she just forget about poor, dorky little Lemony and left him to rot? What if---

"Lemony, would you kindly hand me the red balloons? We're trying to make this a complete color spectrum." Frank said. Lemony dazingly tossed him a bag of red balloons, and turned himself back to the guardrails on the rafters, watching Kit and Olaf practicing dance moves.

If a man like Olaf could get a woman like his sister, he could easily land Beatrice.

Right?

"Lemony. LEMONY!" Ernest voice suddenly rang in his subconscious. "We've been asking you for the green balloons for ten minutes. DO. YOU. HAVE. THEM."

Lemony looked over to the balloon pile and paused. "… What green balloons?"

The sound of Ernest smacking his hand to his head was loud and clear.

Dewey threw a recently tied up balloon into the giant pile. As soon as the king and queen of the dance were decided, a lever would be pulled, the balloons would be released, and they would drift lazily to the floor. And in order to make it work, from what he gathered from Frank's firm but still annoying optimistic rant, it would only work if they had all colors of the average rainbow in there. In the background, Ernest was mouthing "Gaaaaaaaay."

"Well, I think I left them on the snack table down there." Lemony said as soon as Frank paused for breath. He then went on a rant about how he should be more careful where he sets things and should remember to check if he has everything before he does something important and that---

"Look, I'll go down there and grab the balloons for Lemony." Frank said, walking towards the guard rails.

"But Lemony needs to learn his lesson---" Frank started.

"It was just an accident." Dewey said, reaching for a rope just hanging beyond the guardrail.

"But---"

"Accident. Got it, Frank?" Dewey said, tightly wrapping the rope around both hands. "Look, I'll even get it fast for you."

Dewey stepped up on the guardrail, trying his best to balance.

"I've always wanted to do this."

And with that, he jumped, and he swung. Unfortunately, he did not realize that the rope was on a pulley, so as he swung, the rope lowered quite quickly, and his triumphant shout quickly turned in a scared shriek as he slammed into the wall, barely two feet off the ground.

He collapsed on the floor, got up, stumbled to the table, grabbed the balloons, then collapsed again, taking the table down with him.

"Dewey! Oh my god, Dewey, are you alright?" Kit's voice said.

Dewey lifted his head.

"That was awesome."

Then he fainted.

* * *

Beatrice stifled her laughs best she could.

"I don't think he ever got rid of the bruises from that antic." Lemony said, quietly thanking the board staff member as she handed him their tickets to the train. The staff member winked at him, showing either trust or attraction, though he preferred to think the former. Beatrice clutched tightly to his arm as they walked out to the platform.

"Please uncle Lemony, you've got to have one more!" Beatrice said, staring up at here uncle.

"Well…"

"Pleeeaaase?" Beatrice said, doing her best puppy dog eyes for her uncle.

"Alright, alright. One more, and that's it." Lemony said as the conductor called for everyone to board. They both began walking through the crowded masses to the train. "You think what happened at the set-up was interesting? You should've seen the actual dance."

* * *

**THE SHOCKING CONCLUSION TO IN RETROSPECT, COMING SOON FROM A BAD FANFIC WRITER NEAR YOU.**


	4. That Moment in Life

"Alright, we're all settled in, correct?" Lemony said, setting his suitcase on the ground. Their room on the train was quite small, little more than the size of two office cubicles together. And two couches parallel to each other, which, although cozy, were in a horrible shade of green.

"Yes." Beatrice quickly, sitting down on one of the horribly colored couches. "Now, tell me about the dance."

"Ah, yes, the dance." Lemony said, taking a seat next to his niece. "Well, here's how that number went…"

* * *

Lemony Snicket was currently in an odd sort of depression.

First off, he had lost the rock-paper-scissors match, and therefore was the one to be left at the rafters in the VFD gym to release the balloons. He was to stay there until the end of the dance when the king and queen of it were to be announced.

For one thing, he was quite depressed that he was locked up there while everyone else was having fun.

For another, he was angry that he lost the Rock-paper-scissor match and was stuck up here while everyone else was having fun on the ground.

For yet another thing, he was even more depressed that he never even got the chance to ask Beatrice to dance, even if he had to cancel it due to balloon-releasing.

And on top of it all, he was hungry.

So, here Lemony Snicket was, in black dress paints, a white dress shirt, a tie, (The shoes and blazer were thrown aside on the count of being both too hot and tight) gazing down from the guard rails at various students, dancing and smiling and laughing.

Such was the story of his life, but we're getting ahead of ourselves.

Notable things he saw that night included:

Kit and Olaf arm wrestling. Kit was winning from what he could see.

Ernest spiking the punch bowl with… Something, he couldn't tell what. Frank then hit his fellow triplet on the head, grabbed the punch bowl, and headed outside to dump the contents out.

Fernald sitting on the bleachers, looking oddly lonesome. Funny, he was always following someone around…

Beatrice entering the gym, in a beautiful green-blue dress that gleamed from head to toe, curly hair falling to her shoulders, and giving the most gorgeous smile in the world. Truly, tonight was a horrible night to be Lemony Snicket.

She had no companion. Just her looks, her charm, and her smile.

First she was talking to Fernald, who was still looking rather dejected. Then, she grabbed his hand and took him out to the dance floor and paired him up with one of the girls who was merely wandering around there. She then proceeded to grab whatever Ernest was about to pour in the punch bowl yet again and threw it out the door. Ernest ran after it, tripped, got up and ran out the door, searching for it. She then tugged the back of Kit's dress while she was still arm wrestling with Olaf to get her attention and asked her something. Kit motioned towards the ceiling, Beatrice nodded, and started towards the ladder to the rafte----

Oh god no.

She was coming up there, to meet him, he looked like a mess, he just knew it, and he was so screwed and

"So bye bye Miss American Pie, drove my chevie to the levy but the levy was dry…"

Yes, that was, unmistakably, Beatrice's lovely voice.

"Hi there Lemony. How'd you end up here?" Beatrice said, sitting down next to him.

"I am awful at rock-paper-scissors. And I will never understand why you like that song so much." Lemony murmured.

"It's a song about having a good time, something you really don't under stand, Mister Doom and Gloom." Beatrice replied, smiling.

"Really now? And why do you say that?" Lemony said, turning to Beatrice.

"Lemony, think it through, you are in the gymnasium rafters, balloons are everywhere, and you are with who I assume is your best friend. There are a million interesting things you can do!" Beatrice said, snatching a red balloon and letting it float down to the dance floor.

"Examples, please."

"Wellll…" Beatrice was thinking, and grabbed a green balloon. "You could undo the knots on these ver-ry care-full-lee…" she said, slowing tugging the knot apart. "And then, you could…" The knot was off the balloon and she was currently aiming it down at door. Just as Ernest began to walk through, bottle of whatever in his hands, she released the balloon, and with a PBBBLLTH sound, the balloon hit him square in the face, knocking him over out of shock. Frank shot a glare up at the rafters, and, despite himself, began laughing. "Yeah. You could do that."

Lemony cracked a bit of a smile. "Okay, you're convincing me. What else?"

"Hurm, well..." Beatrice grabbed another balloon and a marker left up there from earlier. "You just need to add something here… Annnnnd, bam!" She held up a balloon with a smile crudely drawn on it. "Balloon puppets."

Lemony aloud himself a chuckle.

"Alright, anything else?"

Beatrice sighed. "You're killing me here, Lemony." She turned her head back to the balloons, and stared at them for a long while. Suddenly, she got up.

"Well, it has nothing to do with the balloons, but I think you'll appreciate it." Beatrice held her hand out. "Wanna dance?"

Lemony stood up. "With... With you? Really? _Seriously_?" he managed to stutter out.

"No one else up here, Lemony." Beatrice said, grabbing Lemony's trembling hands. "So, you place one on my shoulder, and the other on my waist…"

"_What?_"

"Just follow my lead, Lemony, it'll be easy." Beatrice said. "Alright, hands are in the correct position, just follow my lead." Step one two three. Step one two three. Turn, three steps forward, two back, turn.

"My sister taught me a few things about dancing." Step one two three.

"Really now?" Step one two three.

"Uh-huh. Can't remember a thing right now, though." Turn.

"Understandable, Lemony." Three steps forward. "Hey, odd question, but has anyone told you that you're adorable when you're nervous?"

"Really?" Two back.

"Really." Turn.

"_And this year's king of the ballroom is…H!" _ boomed a voice from somewhere below.

"Isn't H your cousin?" Beatrice asked.

"Yeah. Says he wants to get into the aviation section all the time."

"_And this year's queen of the ballroom is... B!"_

Beatrice showed no signs of moving.

"Uh, Beatrice? You're B." Lemony said, glancing down at the stage.

"… _B? Beeeeeeeee…Well, looks like she's not here, so, runner up is… E!"_

"I know." Beatrice said. "I'd prefer to stay up here." With that, Lemony kicked a lever, and the balloons were released. E's complaining of static electricity could be heard three blocks over.

* * *

"No lie." Beatrice said. "Took his arm clean off."

"I don't think ferris wheels can do that, Beatrice." Lemony said matter-of-factly.

"Really? You wanna try and see?"

"Not really."

"Thought so."

The dance was long over. Balloons were being picked up (Or when it came to Fernald's case, stomped upon), food was being wrapped up, and everyone but those who set up the dance and Beatrice were currently still there, in the afterglow of the whole affair. Beatrice glanced at her watch.

"Oh wow, it's late. I gotta run, Lemony, sorry." She said, running her fingers through her haired nervously.

"It's no problem. I'm just glad you came." Lemony said. And danced with me and stayed with me and even made me genuinely laugh for the first time in a while with all the bad things happening around us, he added as a mental note.

"And I was happy to be here." Beatrice said, turning and starting to walk towards the ladder. "See you tomorrow, Lemony."

"Bye, Beatrice."

"Oh. Before I forget." Beatrice turned back to Lemony and began to walk towards him.

And she kissed him.

It wasn't really a kiss, when he thought about it. More of a quick peck on the lips. But for the three seconds those lips stayed there, he was in heaven. That special kind that's not exactly in the afterlife, but close since your heart skips at least one beat for every second you're there, and you feel… Alive. Yes, that was the best word for it. He didn't even notice Beatrice leave and say "Bye Lemony!" in her sing-songy voice.

Too busy trying to hold onto the feeling of being alive.

* * *

"And, I swear to you, the song 'Miss American Pie' did not leave my head until two years after that." Lemony said. His arm was currently around his niece, who was leaning against his side and yawning out of not boredom, but sheer exhaustion. It was pretty dark outside, he noted from a quick glance out the window.

Beatrice smiled. "Wonder what stories I'll be able to tell my family…" she curled a bit closer to her uncle for warmth. No blankets, Lemony received a tip that they were laced with something deadly.

"Wonderful ones, I can promise you that." Lemony said, kissing his niece on the forehead. "It's late now, get some rest."

Of course, Beatrice was already asleep.

He sighed. He supposed there was something freeing in passing stories down. Sometimes he wished he had children of his own to tell these stories to.

But then, he reminded himself, he had Beatrice. And she was the closest he was probably going to get to having a child of his own.

And that was good enough for him.

* * *

**I like writing fluff, you know. It's… Fluffy and diabetes inducing.**

**Anyhow, happy holidays. Hope you enjoy your gift.**


End file.
